"Are you Married?" Part II

I come across many Bhutanese who pose personal questions to complete strangers and are very open about status of relationships. "Are you married?", "You're here all alone?" or my own personal favorite, "You're a spinster?!" are all common questions here in Bhutan.

A spiritual, hard working, muscular, outdoorsy man who is able to fix anything and everything describes a typical Bhutanese. Walks through the Himalayan hills set the stage for romantic evenings. Words were captivating ... "When you look at things with positive energy, everything is perfectly clear." What single girl wouldn't find herself mesmerized?! Was it too good to be true?

My wise American male colleague pointed out over a few Red Pandas one evening that some men may follow the examples their leaders have set. For instance, the 4th King of Bhutan is married to four sisters. While polygamy is no longer common, perhaps growing up under a ruler with four wives has influenced the thoughts and actions of many Bhutanese men. Could these be the ones I’ve been meeting?!

A middle aged dasho flirts with foreign girls out at the bars and his behavior becomes inappropriate ... he persistently calls and texts several times a day: Chances that he's married? Pretty high! A young man who claims to be single but later reveals his state of fatherhood with admitted frequent visits to his "sort of wife": Chances that he's doing more than visiting his child? I think so... A hot lawyer who is "not married" initially but later “in the process of divorce" and suddenly freaks out when realizing the foreign girl he's dating has local friends who are friends of his wife: Chances he's cheating on her? You tell me :)

Everyday I am surrounded by warm, caring male coworkers whom I have faith are devoted partners. My local girlfriends’ brothers, friends, and husbands are good guys with hearts of gold. This world is so small and karma works its ways. I know that there is a spiritual, hard working, muscular, outdoorsy man who is able to fix anything and everything (or something of the sort!!) meant to appear in my life one day. Dating in Thimphu has been fun, entertaining, and enlightening. And the biggest question of all, "Are you married?" It's my turn to ask!!

Sleeping Bags, Nightclubs, and Sacred Rituals

Perhaps nowhere else in the world could a weekend include dancing at nightclubs, slumbering at a farmhouse, and witnessing sacred dances performed inside a Buddhist temple ... my weekend in Punakha with a few of my favorite Bhutanese girlfriends did just so!

Thinley picked me up Friday at 5pm, and with two bags packed for one night (refer to "Travelling through the Backroads of Bhutan" for the list justifying my two bags!), we headed across town to pick up Yiki. Stopping for gifts of tea, sugar and biscuits for our hostess, we set out for our drive up and across the Dochu La Pass to lead us down into the Punakha Valley.

"Do you want to go out in Punakha town tonight Detta?!" Already having had to ask Thinley to pull over on the side of the road so that I could avoid puking in her car (note to self ... I am not yet used to the windy roads in Bhutan and I do need to continue to take dramamine every time I step into a moving vehicle...) I couldn't possibly imagine going out! I did my best though to keep an open mind while focusing on my breathing and listening to the soothing sounds of Tracy Chapman. I also couldn't help but wonder what kind of "going out" we might find in this Punakha town knowing we were staying at Yiki's aunt's farmhouse ...although sick to my stomache, I was intrigued!

We arrived three hours later to find we had to park a bit far away. I took one step at a time on the trail from the roadpoint. I practiced walking meditation and with each breath, my feelings of health and wellness gradually returned. With that came confidence as we negotiated a make-shift ladder and log placed above a small ravine in the pitch black of night. After fifteen minutes of walking, we had safely arrived to the farmhouse in the warm and fertile land of Punakha. Yiki's auntie graciously served us tea followed by a dinner of rice, shamu datse and ezay complemented by the nutritional delicacy of whey. After dinner, we were on our way out for the night!

Escorted down the trail by a young man also going out into town, we were guided by him and his friends to the new club. The guys went to play snooker, and Yiki, Thinley and I entered the club. While the ambience was awesome, we hesitated and then laughed a bit when we saw there were only three other people in the club! Deciding to check it out anyway, we ordered our drinks and over hip hop and electronica, pretended to converse with the other patrons of the club under the pretense that I understood Dzongkha. We tried to take pictures of the red and green strobe lights projecting images that appeared to form rotating galaxies on the floor but were unsuccessful. We then just danced by ourselves until the lack of social company drove us to move onto the other club in town. Entering the main bar-cum-club in Punakha town with our drinks from the first bar in hand, we talked our way into free admission to the club and this time found no one!! After sitting for a few minutes, we decided that if it's going to be just the three of us chatting or dancing, we may as well just be back home in our pajamas.

And so back along the trail and to the farmhouse we went! After painting our nails and laying out our sleeping bags, we slept until the early dawn.

I stepped out of our sleeping quarters and was amazed at the sights in front of me. Having arrived in the dark, I had no idea that I was staying in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Green rice paddies at the edge of the farmhouse stretched to the base of the nearby mountain hoisting vertically placed white prayer flags. Pale yellow poinsettia trees lined the path from our sleeping quarters to the outhouse. Cows roamed the fields where eggplant, tomatoes, and mushrooms grew. The natural environment surrounding us provided our meals which consisted of some of the freshest tasting rice, vegetables and cheeses I've ever tasted. I was in one of the most environmentally pristine places on earth.

After taking turns showering with buckets of hot water mixed with the cold running tap, we began the process of donning our kiras. Having chosen to wear my best kira, which is not tailored as a "foreigner fit" but requires complicated ties to ensure proper wear, Thinley and Yiki got themselves ready and then together dressed me. Savoring the moment of being in this beautiful land hosted by such a gracious Bhutanese woman, I said good bye and Kadinche La (thank you) to our hostess. With one hand holding up our floor length kiras and high heeled boots donned, an hour and a half later than we had promised ourselves (what to expect when three girls are getting themselves ready in the morning?!) we traversed the path one more time to reach the road that would lead us to the Punakha Dzong. (http://www.bhutantoursandtravels.com/pages/show/_14_punakha.htm)

Crossing the bridge and cautiously climbing the vertically aligned steps leading up to the dzong, I entered one of the most sacred houses of worship in Bhutan. As we walked through the courtyard into the inner sanctuary, we discovered that the Domchen was just beginning. Amidst butterlamps and relics of the Buddhas, the most sacred dance of the festival had commenced to the sounds of deeply ringing bells. Deep down I felt that this must be one of the many magnificent ways of connecting the earth to the heavens ...

Prostrating and asking for healing and peace while also giving thanks for my presence at this holy dzong, Yiki, Thinley and I departed the gorgeous valley of Punakha and returned safely home to Thimphu.

Breaking into Thimphu Nightlife

Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights are rumored to be the nights to hit the bars and clubs in Thimphu. Having arrived Wednesday at 1pm with a slight cold and jet lag, I took the night off and stayed in. But by Friday – I was ready to hit the town!

Fortunate enough to have a friend of a friend from Bhutan whom I had developed a relationship with over email these last several months and now had the opportunity to meet in person, I was taken out for a night of Bhutanese cuisine, local brew, and karaoke set to songs in Dzongkha, Hindi, and English. Women were dressed in Western fashion and competently traversed the uneven streets in high heel boots, while men wore a variety of clothing ranging from Western style jeans to the traditional gho. The food proved to be spicy as promised, especially the traditional dish of ema datse (chilies and cheese). I was thankful to be able to take the spice without any difficulty and found an immediate liking to Bhutanese food. The two most popular local beers were out, perhaps because of the New Years Eve rush the night before, but the remaining brew complemented the variety of dishes perfectly. It seemed that everyone knew everyone at every spot we hopped to, and a local Bhutanese man recognized me from mutual friends we have on Facebook and came over to welcome me to Bhutan and wish me a happy new year!

Saturday night the hospital was hosting a New Years bash and the flyer inviting all employees and volunteers promised local food, dancing, laser lights and more. Together with two other volunteers and a local employee of the hospital, we decided to check out the event. In a darkened room for dancing, neon lights were flashing, the bass was booming, and many of the physios and other employees of the hospital I had met during orientation the day before were enjoying the night. I quickly bonded with one of the female physiotherapists over conversation of shoes and clothing. She admitted surprise that a physio from America would consider wearing heels out at night because in her experience most are concerned with the development of low back pain. Well … not me! She immediately invited me to go shoe shopping with her in town this next week, and to travel together to her family’s village over the next holiday.

Still feeling a bit jet lagged, after socializing for a few hours the other volunteers and I called it an early night and I will see my new physio friends again tomorrow at work!